No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt
It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes. ~Sally Field
In her speech at the Oscars in 1984, when she won for her role in Places in the Heart, Sally Field said to a room full of her peers, “I haven’t had an orthodox career, and I’ve wanted more than anything to have your respect. The first time I didn’t feel it, but this time I feel it, and I can’t deny the fact that you like me, right now, you like me!”
Her speech has often been misquoted as, “You like me, you really like me!” Either way, Ms. Field was excited about having the respect of her peers. She exuded such self-confidence that evening because she earned that award. And I’m sure it also boosted her self-esteem.
In my opinion, self-esteem and self-confidence are two different things. Self-confidence is something you earn. Self-esteem is something that someone gave to you, like a compliment, which can easily be destroyed by anyone with one simple word or look.
I read an article online about ten steps to boost self-confidence. All the steps seem rather obvious, such as dress sharp, have good posture, compliment others, speak up, and sit in the front row. One step, though, seemed to ring a bell with me, as if I’d never heard of doing something like this before to boost self-confidence.
Develop a “personal commercial” and post it somewhere that you can look at it and read it every day, if not several times a day. What a great idea!
Then I remembered seeing something like this in the movie, How Do You Know, with Reese Witherspoon. She had just been cut from the U.S. women’s softball team and was brushing her teeth in her bathroom and there were all sorts of colored sticky notes plastered around the outer perimeter of her mirror. These could be considered her personal commercials.
“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.”
“You’ve got some swagger? Better let ’em know. You’ve got some swagger? Better let it show.”
“Courage is mastery of fear, not absence of fear.”
“Obstacles are what you see when you lose sight of your goals.”
“Do what you can / Where you are / With what you have.”
“There is no better time than now!”
I have three beautiful nieces whom I love with all my heart. Having made the personal choice to not have children, I often say my nieces are “my girls.” I don’t get to spend as much time with them as I’d like, but when I do get the opportunity to see them, I try to spend time with them together (just the four of us girls) and individually (one-on-one). I want to make sure that they get one-on-one time with an encouraging female role model (and hopefully, that can be me).
Whether it’s taking them for a mani-pedi or a mini-makeover for their birthday, or watching the Twilight movies (back-to-back-to-back) in my tear-drop camper, or playing the double ladderball game in my parent’s front yard, I try to spend time with them. When I’m around them, I “dress” with confidence, I “walk” with confidence, I “talk” with confidence, and I “act” with confidence. I may not be feeling confident that day, but I try to exude that to them so they don’t feel that their self-worth depends on the actions and reactions of others.
Don’t mistake being confident for being cocky. To me, being cocky is being overly confident and a self-indulgent snob who could care less about those around him/her. Cockiness is unattractive, but confidence is beautiful.
I’ve often told friends, “screw what other people think!” But a lot of girls and women still hold dear what other people think of them. Now is the time to start building not only self-esteem, but self-confidence, which is why I like the idea behind the Dove Movement for Self-Esteem.
The Dove Movement for Self-Esteem (http://www.dove.us/Social-Mission/Our-Vision/default.aspx) serves to build the self-esteem of young girls and teens where “beauty is a source of confidence, not anxiety.” I think programs like this are great ways to help build not only self-esteem, but self-confidence, in young girls through teen and in women of all ages.
If you go to the Dove website and click on the “Social Mission” link, you’ll find another link for the Self-Esteem Toolkit & Resources. Then you’ll find links for one-on-one activities for girls (ages 8-12 and 13-18), self-esteem guides for moms, and a girls guide to digital drama (which for me is a topic for another blog).
My challenge to the women who read my blog is to look over these one-on-one activities and spend some quality time with a young girl in your life. Encourage her, build her self-esteem and ultimately her self-confidence. A lot of young girls today are being influenced (poorly, might I add) by their peers and often they lack a truly great role model. Be that GREAT ROLE MODEL for them!
And be encouraging to those women your own age as well. They might be lacking some self-esteem and self-confidence. With a simple compliment, you can help to change their attitude about themselves and give them the boost that they need. Be the person to uplift rather than to destroy!
You must be the change you want to see in the world. ~Ghandi
Yours Truly,
Vanessa
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